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Or Can They?

Back in the late 70's, I remember certain members of the English music press being rather partial to reggae (mainly through its punk connections - personally I found them strange bedfellows, but then again I wasn't hanging out in a squat in Ladbroke Grove). As such, these scribes were invariably critically scathing of white rock groups who started recording material in a reggae style - it was memorably derided as "cod-reggae", inferring that only those of black Jamaican origin (apart from those rock press darlings The Clash) could play the form with any degree of competence and authenticity. Arguably the most notorious example of cod-reggae is 10cc's "Dreadlock Holiday", although there are plenty of other contenders around.

Of course, august scholars of popular music will debate with you that for the last few decades, the nasty and evil old white man has appropriated the music created by the pure and poor black man for his own (usually profitable) ends - and often killed the goose that laid the golden egg at the same time. Other than the above, perhaps the most (in)famous example is the musical mugging of (rhythm and) blues, with the white boys making it longer, louder, and filling with interminable dentist-drill guitar solos - yuck! By that time, the black musicians had taken the R&B rhythms and grooves a couple of steps further along the line to evolve into what became known as funk. And once this music began spreading out from its original home of the American black urban ghettos, so the whiteys decided they could make a fist of what is on the surface a simple form of music, but is in fact a deceptively intricate weave of sonic texture that will easily make those not wholly informed look complete fools. This feature takes a look at the exponents of such efforts to determine to what extent they succeeded (or failed). 

Had the above-mentioned rock hacks shown any interest in funk (they rarely if ever did at that time), they probably would have savaged such white imitators in a similar fashion to reggae regurgitators. If so, perhaps the pejorative term "faux-funk" might have been spawned? However, unlike them, I am happy to try to keep an open mind when assessing honkies trying to get funky. Having trawled far and wide for what you might think a relatively barren strain of music, I've managed to find several hundred tracks that fall into the "white funk" category in one way or another, made by all manner of people from funk specialists to jazz-rockers to easy listening orchestras to rock superstars. Some of those listed below may not be all white, but the non-black membership (or contribution) is substantial enough for them to qualify (unlike War for example, whose only white member was blues-harpist Lee Oskar - yes, former Animal Eric Burdon also briefly fronted the band at their inception, but that was before they got funky). There are also entries where thought worthy for tracks that are perhaps more funk-influenced rather than straight-out efforts to replicate the form.

This analogy may amuse you, but I would suggest that white funk practitioners are a bit like transvestites: you can spot a bad one a mile away (betrayed by their rock/male traits), and even the most convincing aren't the real thing. Yet some put so much skill and effort into their artifice that in a way they're of even more interest than that which they imitate.  

Below is a comprehensive (if no doubt incomplete) list of white funk tracks* (along with some commentary when considered necessary), given a personal rating ranging from one star ("What the funk was that?!?") to five stars ("Play that funky music white boy!")...

* also including other non-black shades i.e. Latino, Asian, etc - the female of the species are here too. Some of these selections are educated guesses - if I'm wrong and they are actually by black acts, then email me and I'll remove them accordingly.

ps - there is some overlap between this feature and a couple of others on my site - some entries have been linked when considered necessary.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 A CERTAIN RATIO

80's Mancunians, the darlings of Factory boss Tony Wilson. Kind of a funkier version of New Order, but nowhere near as successful

Shack Up *

Abysmal version of the classic track by Banbarra (whose line-up may also have been white to some degree, although I have no conclusive proof) - these boys had a lot to learn at this point

Knife Slits Water **

With the popping bass it sounds quite funky. Without it it doesn't sound funky at all

Only Together ***

They were never going to give the likes of the Average White Band sleepless nights, but as time went on, they managed to harness a respectable funk element to their sound

Bootsy **

I don't know if this is some kind of tribute to a certain William Collins (there's no mention to that effect in the lyrics) but if so it's probably best that the man himself never finds out

Love Is The Way ***

Possibly their most refined attempt at getting funky, although the sequenced synth bass sounds a bit clunky

 

 ABC

80's retro-kitsch-ironists. They sported gold lame suits to match their music

Tears Are Not Enough ****

Tough strutting debut preceded flowery phase. Avoid the album version - Trevor Horn & Anne Dudley have ruined it by smothering it in cod-Liberace piano flourishes a la "Poison Arrow/The Look Of Love"

 

 AEROSMITH

Big-time hard rockers

Walk This Way ***

Perhaps the ultimate fusion of funk and metal - small wonder Run DMC took a fancy to it

Love In An Elevator ***

Another stadium rocker that's deceptively funky - it really cooks underneath the guitar solos

 

 ALYN AINSWORTH

70's UK orchestra leader, also did much TV musical directing

Colditz March ****

The 70's war drama theme re-invented in Deodato 2001 style

Farandole ***

Surprisingly workable adaptation of a classical tune

The Entertainer **

Turning ragtime into funk is perhaps a little too ambitious

 

 LOS AMIGOS INVISIBLES

South American postmodern dance music

Cachete A Cachete ***

Not bad if you do some serious editing so it just sticks to the riff

Quiro Desintegrar A Tu Novio ***

 

 ARENA

Aussie jazzers

The Long One **

This has the potential to really groove, but keeps losing its way thanks to over-indulgent soloing and constant start-stopping - most frustrating

 

 ARIZONA

Their main fare was southern-fried boogie, but they also matched funk riffs with pop hooks

Aberation **

Dance If You Wanna Dance ***

Got No Business Being That Funky ****

Music Ship ***

 

 TIHOMIR POP ASANOVIC

Sounds Slav, but could be German

Hot Pants Road ***

Fusion take on a James Brown tune - not that you''d guess if you didn't know. Loses it a bit when the soloing starts

 

 BRIAN AUGER

soul/pop/jazz organ grinder

Inner City Blues ***

Straight Ahead *****

No organ but loads of wah wah and Fender Rhodes

 

 AVERAGE WHITE BAND

70's Scottish combo. After their drummer OD'd, they replaced him with a black "Sassanach"! Probably the kings of the whole kaboodle here - they were knocking out authentic funk grooves almost for fun throughout the 70's

Cut The Cake *****

Got The Love ***

I'm The One ****

Person To Person ****

Pick Up The Pieces *****

King of the white funk instrumental. Not only that, but one of the best records ever made, period. Spawned several cover versions that could never hope to emulate its perfection

Schoolboy Crush ****

must be the only funk track with sleighbells!

Stop The Rain ***

The Message ****

Groovin' The Night Away ***

High Flyin' Woman ***

Work To Do ***

Cover of an Isley Brothers tune. I suspect the Brand New Heavies rather liked this

 

 BABE RUTH

Early 70's rock

The Mexican **

The only half-decent bit is the tacked-on cover of Morricone's "Good Bad & Ugly" in a pseudo-funky style that unfortunately doesn't last long

 

 THE BALTIMORES

One of those fake bands (probably consisting of white sessioneers) put together to cash in on the soul scene with cheap-as-chips rehashes

Superstition ****

The clavinet riff on the Stevie Wonder original is emulated here by a guitarist (they probably couldn't afford to hire the real thing), who actually does a good job, as does everyone else involved. Sadly it fades out far too early (presumably to accommodate some more wishy-washy soul stuff on the album - shame)

 

 THE BAMBOOS

Australian instrumental combo of recent vintage. Apart from the occasional foray into stax-style grooves (that I personally generally find pretty lame), the agenda for their debut album is straight-down-the-line no-nonsense pared down funk. Unfortunately their second at times veers uncomfortably close to hip hop territory with guest vocalists and even (aarrgghh!) a rapper

Another Day In the Life Of Mr Jones ***

Black Foot *****

Crooked Cop ****

Eel Oil ***

Golden Rough ****

Step It Up ***

Tobago Strut *****

The Bamboos Theme *****

Bring It Home ***

That early James Brown sound

Happy **

My Baby's Cheating ***

Pussy Footin' ***

Rawville ***

The Witch ***

Tongan Steel ****

 

 DANIEL BARBE

Early 80's (I think) Canadian (I also think) Vangelis-alike

Honky Fonky ****

The "guitars" are actually synthesisers - brilliant mimicry

 

 CHRIS BARBER

The Daddy(o) of the 50's British trad-jazz revival

Get Rolling ***

 

 THE BASIC

Anonymous session crew put together for a record given away with milk as a promo

Milk ***

Psych-funk

 

 TREVOR BASTOW

The first of quite a few library/production music composers in this list

Speedster ***

Not particularly well named, more like a theme for a slick US soap a la "Dynasty" or "Falcon Crest". Not bad considering it's the eighties

 

 BE BOP DELUXE

Art-prog rockers

Shine ***

This is the instrumental live version (nothing like the studio take). Nice Rhodes solo, not so nice guitar solo

 

 JEFF BECK

UK rock guitarist experimented with funk rhythms on instrumental fusion album "Blow by Blow" in the mid-70's

Air Blower ***

Constipated Duck **

Jeff obviously had a problem coming up with decent titles for his funk workouts

You Know What I Mean ***

 

 JEFF BECK AND JAN HAMMER GROUP

Jeff hooks up with Dutch fusion keyboardist and friends

Come Dancing ***

Play With Me ***

 

 THE BEE GEES

60's pop balladeers reborn as 70's hairy-chested medallion-wearing disco superstars

Boogie Child ***

This starts out strongly, then Barry (oh come on, the other two were virtually the Andrew Ridgeleys of the Bee Gees) loses his nerve and goes and messes it up by throwing in odd time signatures and other unnecessary production tricks

Backtafunk *

Such inspired punning deserves better than this rubbish - full of hideous 80's production (but not funk)

 

 MADELINE BELL

Black American UK-based session singer

Comin' Atcha ***

Composition and backing courtesy of John Paul Jones - yes, he of groupie-shagging tv-hurling hotel room-wrecking airplane seat-wetting abominable rock monsters Led Zeppelin (although by all accounts he was the quiet one)

Soul Slap ***

This time it's Alan Parker (and probably other members of Blue Mink) who's backing Maddy

 

 THE BELLE STARS

Female version of Madness

Sign Of The Times *

Lightweight jolly pop tune into which an ill-fitting funky guitar break was interspersed

 

 DAVID BENDETH

Canadian disco dude

Better Believe It ***

Clavinet-driven funky disco crossover

 

 BRIAN BENNETT

The Shadows drummer - perhaps the mildest and most-inoffensive looking geezer in the history of popular music

Aim High ***

Sounds like a funky version of the theme from oil-soap "Dallas"

Boogie Juice ***

More than a little similar to "The Streets Of San Francisco" cop show theme

It's A Crazy World ***

Here mainly on account of its squelchy bass/sax riff

 

 BIDDU

Indian-born disco producer - his clients included Tina Charles (see below) and Carl Douglas. Not known for his modesty, he launched his own career as performer/orchestral leader (using mainly white British session musicians), coming over as a poor man's Love Unlimited Orchestra (helmed by Barry White, who was himself a poor man's Isaac Hayes)

You Don't Stand A Chance ***

 

 BIG BAND KATOWICE

Polish fusion orchestra

Sorcerer ***

 

 BIG BOSS MAN

Retro groovy funkers

Sea Grooves ***

 

 BIG JIM "H"

Pseudonym for Hammond organ grinder(s) churning out cheezy listening for ultra-budget label SGA

Jungle Fever ***

A cover of the cult porno pseudo-funk "classic" by Chakachas - if you're looking for the original, get this version instead - it's far superior (in my view)

 

 BIRDS WITH EARS

Indie types, probably much played on the "Peel" show. They had one of the greatest names for a band... Ever

Freak **

They deserve more than one star just for trying (or maybe because they couldn't resist calling their album "Youth In Asia" - ho ho). No honestly, it's actually better than it has any right to be, the weird animal-type noises only adding to its appeal

 

 BIRTHA

Lady rockers

Can't Stop The Madness ***

Funk-rock crossover that benefits from a bit of judicious sound-editing

 

 ELVIN BISHOP

Southern fried rocker

Struttin' My Stuff **

Southern fried funk, but still on the rocky side

 

 BLACKBUSTERS

Krautfunk

Old Man ****

Probably a contemporary pastiche/tribute, but still sounds good with nice Moogy noises

 

 BLONDIE

New York new-wavers dabbled in disco and other genres

Rapture ***

Most people remember this for the rap section - I think that's the worst part of the record, though as someone who has always hated rap in any form (I honestly thought it was a novelty that would soon pass a la disco syndrums) that's hardly surprising

 

 BOBBY AND BETTY GO TO THE MOON

A.k.a. Leo Muller and his intrepid band of faceless session musicians, cashing in on the children's market

The Party After Landing At Lunar Central ***

This is the B-side of the childrens' adventure story - basically an excuse to put some already-recorded stuff on the album, mixed in with some space-like effects. Amongst it all is a pretty good instrumental sounding uncannily like early James Brown a la "Papa's Got A Brand New Bag"

 

 DAVID BOWIE

Legendary pop chameleon. Although around the mid 70's he became known as "The Thin White Duke", Bowie's rhythm section at that time were all black musicians

Fame *****

The only time a Beatle (Lennon) got funky

John I'm Only Dancing (Again) **

The Dame tries to revamp one of his Ziggy-era rock tunes with his new black buddies. Although you want such audacity to succeed, it doesn't quite work - perhaps why it never appeared on "Young Americans" (and only released as an afterthought)

Stay ***

Actually another retread of John I'm Only Dancing. A more controlled funk-rock crossover, but goes on too long at the end (like the previous entry)

Let's Dance **

The choruses (the stronger bits) are funky in an 80's-in-yer-face manner, presumably influenced by producer (and Chic guitarist) Nile Rodgers. The verses (the weaker bits) are a bit less in-yer-face, and a lot less funky (in fact not funky at all)

 

 THE BRAND NEW HEAVIES

90's acid-jazz-funk revivalists - they even nicked their name from obscure US funk outfit The Backyard Heavies. As they got more successful so the funk got more diluted

B.N.H. ***

Brother Sister ****

Country Funkin' ***

Gimme One Of Those ***

Have A Good Time *****

Mister Tanaka ***

Once Is Twice Enough ****

People Get Ready ***

Bears more than a passing resemblance to "Me And Baby Brother" by War

Put The Funk Back In It ***

Shakedown **

Sphynx ***

Ten Ton Take ****

 

 THE BRAT

Early 80's comedy/novelty "tribute" to the antics of tennis bad-boy John McEnroe

The Umpire Strikes Back **

Double whammy as they also try and cash in on Star Wars, that was also big at the time. Disregard the vocal hi-jinks and you're left with some cheesy synth-heavy funk 

 

 THE BRECKER BROTHERS

Jazz-fusion horn-playing siblings, fond of atonal-sounding harmonies (if that makes sense)

Keep It Steady ***

Would have been better had there been less open hi-hat (great for disco, not so good for funk) and over-cute girly vocals

Sneakin' Up Behind You ***

Like the previous track, the verses are tougher than the choruses

 

 BROTHER TO BROTHER

Duo consisting of one black and one white guy - to emphasise their bond they appeared in white and black make-up respectively

Chance With You ****

Laid back funk with a hint of disco

 

 THE BROTHERS

Soul/disco covers cash-in project. I'm sure the producers had Italian names (how many black Italians do you know?)

Fire ***

OK organ-led instrumental take of the Ohio Players funker - some of the horn lines sound a bit suspect though

 

 PETER BROWN

He was a white discofied version of Prince i.e. a totally self-contained unit in the days before technology allowed Uncle Tom Cobley and all do it

Do You Wanna Get Funky With Me *

I remember being attracted to this by the title, and was really disappointed it didn't match up to my expectation - not really funk, not really disco, not really anything really

Dance With Me ***

This is a better example of funk-disco crossover, although it stops and starts too often for my liking

 

 BUSH

Like Nirvana, there was one than more pop group called Bush. This isn't the crappy British grunge lot, but a late-60's American trio

Got To Leave The City ***

Bluesy funk rock - suffers a bit from occasional Clappo-like dentist drill guitar licks, but back then everyone had to have that sound

 

 BUTTON DOWN BRASS

Easy project that featured Ray Davies and his "funky" (sic) trumpet. He has another entry below under his given name

Heavy Water ***

Ray's stuff always sounds a little murky to me, but this is ok

Taboo **

Funked-up attempt at a latin/exotica standard

 

 TONY CAMILLO'S BAZUKA

American producer, presumably of Italian extraction

Dynomite ***

Great central riff, but parts of it sound like Disco Tex and his Sex-o-lettes, which is not a good thing (and gets a point deducted as a result)

Theme From Policewoman *

Dire attempt to funk-up what is almost certainly the worst theme ever written for a 70's cop show

 

 TONI CAMPO

Session bassist

Two Way Stretch ****

Only gets 4 stars if you edit out all the stops and starts and messing about

 

 CAPRI

Contemporary band

Car Chase On Phoenix Avenue ***

Fast And frothy - typical background music for trendy makeover/reality shows

 

 LARRY CARLTON

Ubiquitous West-coast guitarist - his grainy sound is instantly recognisable

You Gotta Get It While You Can ***

This is somewhere in the middle of funk, disco, and jazz-fusion

 

 JASPER CARROTT

Brummie folkie-turned-comedian-turned-megarich-showbiz-entrepreneur

Funky Moped *

Although Jasper had a hit with this funk-free single (and even appeared on TOTP), I seem to recall my pubescent peers preferring to snigger along to its b-side "The Magic Roundabout", a lewd expletive-filled monologue that probably sounds rather tame these days

 

 CASABLANCA

I think this band were popular on the London live circuit in the early 70's, but got nowhere on vinyl

Aint No War ****

Country Funkin *

It took me years to get this pun (funkin/bumpkin - geddit?). No relation to the BNH track, or to funk in any way for that matter

Funky Opposition ***

Strong riff/chorus but weak linking bits

Get It Good **

 

 THE CATE BROTHERS

Another one of those southern boogie bands that were around in the 70's, produced by Steve Cropper of Booker T & MG's fame

In One Eye And Out The Other ***

I recently caught a live rendition of this on the BBC axe-fest "Guitar Heroes". Main riff was ok, but it kept going off into a weedy second bit (a common fault of whiteys trying to funk is that they think they still need to do verse-chorus-verse-chorus-middle 8 etc song structures)

 

 CHAMPS BOYS

Another Aussie project

Tubular Bells ***

Mike Oldfield's prog tune actually lends itself quite well to funky disco

 

 IRENE CHANTER

UK session singer

Cuckoo-Cuckoo *****

Unbelievably, this was written and produced by MOR mainstay Roger Cook (of "I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing" fame)

 

 TINA CHARLES

70's session singer turned dumpy disco diva. I always thought her voice was thin yet shrill - not a good combination really

Boogiethon ***

Somewhat embarrassingly for Tina (and thankfully for me) her "distinctive" vocals are actually absent from this virtually-instrumental workout buried deep on side 2 of one of her albums. It's basically producer Biddu and his white session crew (some great guitar work going on, but there's something very wrong with the bass). By the way, after originally posting this feature on the internet, I came across a Biddu album that had this very same track featured on it - he was obviously ahead of his time when it came to recycling

 

 CHART HITS

On-a-shoestring copyists of chart-hitting tunes of the day

Gonna Love You Just A Little Bit More ***

As you'd expect, the Barry White impression is laughable, but the musical backing is surprisingly well done

 

 THE CLASH

Punk's working class heroes (despite having a public-school educated frontman)

Overpowered By Funk ***

I never much cared for the Clash, and despise them even more now due to "legendary" status bestowed on them by the rock press - in my opinion Joe Strummer was possibly the least talented vocalist (the word "singer" wouldn't be appropriate here) ever to bellow into a microphone. Yet despite all that, and the fact that they make the primal error of playing this track too fast and frantically, I still quite like it

 

 CLOUD

One of those early 80's Brit jazz-funk outfits

All Night Long **

Rushed effort not helped by awful production. The catalog number for this single was FUNK1 - if only they'd applied that much attention to detail when it came to the music

 

 JOE COCKER

Mr Gruff

Woman To Woman ***

Musical backing by members of Kokomo (see below)

 

 DENNIS COFFEY

Motown and West-coast session guitarist (probably booked when Larry Carlton wasn't available!) - churned out some insipid disco-soul fusion in the mid-to-late 70's

Gimme That Funk *

Gimme what funk? Actually not-very-good rocky disco

Live Wire **

Might just have nudged another star but for disco-style bass breaks

Some Like It Hot **

the bass-playing is sluggish (and sounds out of tune), and the drummer keeps speeding up!

Wild Child **

One of those odd ones where the bass sounds like it's in a different key to everything else going on

 

 JOHN COOPER CLARKE

The punk poet a.k.a. the Salford Bard

Kung Fu International **

The backing track on this is actually quite well done. Unfortunately the only time I've been able to stomach JCC's grating tones is when he did the Honey Monster ads  

 

 COKE

Latin-popsters

Na Na ****

 

 COLD BLOOD

One of those rock/soul bands with horn sections that briefly flourished in the late 60's/early 70's

Kissing My Love ****

Apparently a Janis Joplin song (!) - probably would have scored the full monty, but the lyric/melody rather irritatingly puts emphasis in the wrong place i.e. "Kissing MY love"

Shop Talk **

The electric piano sounds odd in tone, and like it doesn't know what to do, and it's all a bit messy and meandering, but gets better when a Hammond organ kicks in

 

 COLLAGE

Early 80's American soul/funk outfit - presumably so named because of their mixed black/white/latino line-up, but they they sound just like a typical large all-black ensemble from the tail end of the disco era

Do You Like Our Music? ****

Polished and precise disco-funk - think Cameo meets the Earth Wind & Fire horn section. Ditto the tracks below

Money In Your Pocket ***

Shake & Groove It ***

 

 EL COMBO XINGU

Chilean combo

Hot Pants ****

JB time again, quite well done. 

 

 COMMANDOS

Anonymous group produced by an Aussie (or was it a Kiwi?)

The Bump ****

Virtual note-for-note copy of the Commodores cut, more than competently done. Probably no coincidence that the band name is almost identical too

Drop In Sometime ****

B-side of above 45 proves they can do originals well too, a jazz-funk instrumental workout that sadly fades out too soon. Did this lot ever make an album? If so, maybe a longer version is out there somewhere

 

 BILLY CONRAD & SAM KEATON

Library music practitioners

Hot To Trot ***

Holy Maloney ***

 

 RY COODER

Much-admired roots/slide guitarist

Down In Hollywood *

I read an interview with Ry in which the author described this track as funk. They were wrong

 

 CORDUROY

Groovy postmodern ironists

Follow That Arab ***

Funky spy music

How To Steal The World ***

Nobody Move ***

Kinda BNH-like

Practice What You Preach ***

Very Yeah ***

More of that acid-jazz sound

 

 DAVE "BABY" CORTEZ

Latino (?) soul-jazz organ grinder a la Jimmy Smith et al

Funky Robot ****

 

 CRACKIN'

Sound like a poor (white) man's version of Earth Wind & Fire - produced by AOR mainstay (and once memorably referred to as an "Irish alien") Michael Omartian

I Can't Wait Forever **

The longer it goes on, the less funky it gets

Don't Cha Love Me **

A strange mix of mellow verses and tough (by their standards anyway) choruses

Double Love *

AOR and funk don't really that mix that well together, especially on the chorus of this

 

 PAPA JOHN CREACH

Veteran black violinist of Jefferson Airplane fame. Released a solo album amusingly called "The Cat And The Fiddle", from which the below featured (and on which I suspect mainly white musicians were involved)

Right Down ***

OK funky backing but unfortunately Papa John can't really sing, and his country-style violin doesn't really fit either

Let's Get Dancin' **

Cheesy disco/funk hybrid

 

 SHERYL CROW

The thinking man's rock chick

Solidify ***

 

 CULTURE CLUB

Boy George and his chums

Miss Me Blind ***

Would have gained at least another star if not saddled with 80's crunch-claps. Particularly good in the guitar solo that gives Ernie Isley a run for his money

 

 SYD DALE

Library music maestro

Time Out ****

Syd did loads of funky and groovy stuff, but this is the nearest he came to actual funk - borrows from the "For The Love of Money" classic bass riff

 

 DALTON & DUBARRI

Black and white duo - the white one wore black top hat and tails, the black one wore white top hat and tails. The black one played drums, the white one played everything else - probably explains why most of their album is mainstream American rock

Pretty Funky *

Not funky - it's actually a rhythm and blues shuffle

Hooker's Dolls **

The only thing remotely funky on their album, and even this has horrible rock bits in it (and it only lasts two minutes to boot)

 

 RAY DAVIES

Just in case you were were wondering, not the Kinks head honcho, but he of the "funky" trumpet (see also Button Down Brass)

Down A Dark Street ***

Leagueliner **

Loose Collar Man **

A bit heavy-handed, with total mood-dispelling organ interludes

 

 SAMMY DAVIS JR.

Yes, I know Old Blue Eyes' buddy was black...

Keep Your Eye On The Sparrow (Baretta's Theme) ****

...but this superb cop theme was written and produced by Dave Grusin

 

 HENRYK DEBICH

Polish composer/arranger

See You At The Disco Tonight ***

The title probably loses something in translation. Features a nice flute solo but also some naff widdly-widdly guitar

 

 BRIAN DEE & IRVING MARTIN

Provided the theme and some incidental music for "Return Of The Saint"

Funko *

Lazily and deceptively named - more like Rocko

Indianopolis ***

Clavinet riff features prominently as it does in other funky library music efforts

 

 DEEP NOTE

Music for porn films by anonymous contributors

Fuzzy Navel **

Greg's Groove Thing *

Neighborhood Toys ***

Rubber Balls And Liquor *****

Slip It In ***

Wet 'N' Wild ***

 

 THE DEIRDRIE-WILSON TABAC

Late 60's gal & 2 guys combo

Get Back ***

Fab four funker

 

 DEODATO

Brazilian keyboardist/arranger/producer - went from bossa nova to jazz-funk-fusion to disco to Kevin Rowland (!)

Whirlwinds *

Too long, too fast, too messy... and a horribly interminable guitar solo to boot

Funk Yourself ***

Wot, no "2001", I hear you ask? No, because although it's a funky groove, I say it's not close enough to the classic funk template for inclusion here. Ergo that goes for the numerous cover versions out there (the above Alyn Ainsworth interpretation excepted) that make it second only to "Theme From Shaft" in the funky covers stakes (see bottom of page for more info...)

 

 DIRECTIONS IN GROOVE

Modern funksters

The Favourite ***

Has that "modern" sound

 

 DISCO PARTY

See Record Reviews Volume 10

Day Tripper ****

Express ** 

 

 THE DIVERSIONS

But Is It Funky? *****

I really don't know anything about this, other than it was released on a UK label in the 70's. But with lyrics like "But is it funky, or is it only rock 'n' roll?", surely they've got to be white?

 

 NED DOHENY

West-coast scener

To Prove My Love **

This one is incredibly frustrating - there's a strong groove going down, but to me the "one" seems to be in the wrong place (I used to have the same problem with Devo's version of "Satisfaction", but at least that's no longer in the "too hard" folder)

 

 THE DOOBIE BROTHERS

I remember being amused by the huge spliff on the inside sleeve of the then-current "Minute By Minute" LP. However at that time, in my ignorance I actually had no idea this West coast bunch were actually named after the joints they partook

Long Train Runnin' **

 

 DORIS

From Sweden: life beyond ABBA

Don't ***

A mark deducted for occasional intrusion of horrible Clappo-like guitar soloing

 

 DR. JOHN

New Orleans voodoo soul man - I know he gets raved about, but I don't care for him much for 2 reasons: 1 - he can't sing for toffee, 2 - he's backed by the Meters, who I've never really "got"

Quitters Never Win **

R U 4 Real **

Does Prince know the Doc got there first with using initials instead of words?

 

 URSZULA DUDIAK

Elastic-larynxed jazz vocalist - personal and professional collaborator of Michel Urbaniak (see below)

Lover ***

 

 DURAN DURAN 

Brummie New Romantics

New Religion ***

I recently watched a documentary on the Duranies, and it featured a live clip of this which sounded pretty funky. No idea if the LP version is any good though

Notorious **

Hooked up with Chic guitarist/producer Nile Rodgers for this offering. Hamstrung by nasty mid-80's drum sound and (as with all their earlier stuff) Simon Le Bon's whiny trying-too-hard-to sing-out-of his-range vocals

None Of The Above ***

Sin Of The City ***

Both of the above (from their comeback LP "The Wedding Album" which is actually quite good in my opinion) are decent pop tunes with light funk influence

 

 THE EAGLES

Country-rock superstars

Funky New Year ****

Even though the guitars are quite rocky, this will surprise those who thinks the Eagles are just about plodding strumalong stuff a la "Lyin' Eyes". There's also a live version out there that features a horn section - the bad news is you have to acquire a 4-CD "Best of" boxset to hear it

 

 EAST HARLEM BUS STOP

Anonymous session crew masquerading as tough NY street-funkers, courtesy of Leo Muller and SGA

Let's Get It On ***

Surprisingly good in the instrumental bits - a mix of "Papa's Was A Rolling Stone" and the BT Express sound

Get On Down! **

BT Express's "Express" in all but name, except a lot worse

Bring It On Home *

 

 EAST OF UNDERGROUND

Won a US army band talent contest in Germany in the early 70's. Could be white or black

Popcorn ***

Whoever they are, this James Brown cover sure aint no military march - more than competently done, but could have done without the drum solo though

 

 EASTSIDE CONNECTION

Disco outfit - quite a few of the names involved are Latino

Over Please ****

Busy funk work-out with a jazzy sax interlude

 

 EGBA

Swedish fusioneers

Takdropp ****

 

 THE EQUALS

60's multi-racial soul/pop outfit

Funky Like a Train ***

Their final fling before Eddy Grant cashed in his chips for a solo career (and a plodding drum machine)

 

 ERGO BAND

Funky Poles

Past The Pile Of Piles ***

Quite well done but the strange female vocals make it a little unsettling

 

 STEVE EVERITT

Library music chap

Dr Tilt *****

Probably computer-generated, but still sublime

 

 JEAN-PIERRE FABIEN

Un homme de musique biblioteque (that's my no-doubt incorrect stab at saying "library music man" in French)

Come On Dance **

Euro-disco flavoured funk

Soulful Funk ***

If Steve Wonder heard this intro he'd sue for blatant plagiarising of "Superstition"

Funky Beat ***

This time it's Kool and the Gang's lawyers who should be alerted (horn lines virtually identical to those on "Open Sesame")

 

 DONALD FAGEN

Steely Dan man goes solo

Countermoon ***

Mary Shut The Garden Door ***

Trans-Island Skyway ***

Teahouse On The Tracks ****

The best of the Don's artful forays intro funk

 

 ANDY FAIRWEATHER LOW

Helium-voiced singer of Amen Corner - later had a moderate solo career

Jump Up And Turn Around *

The clavinet and horn lines are quite good. Unfortunately the rest is rubbish, including Andy's totally-unsuited voice

Grease It Up **

An intro with wah wah and more clavinet indicates some promise, but Andy ruins things whenever he opens his mouth - his singing really is most unattractive

 

 PERCY FAITH

Canadian easy-listening veteran

Theme From A Summer Place **

Funked-up re-rec of his classic - has a good basic riff which is unfortunately spoilt by the tune

Chompin' ****

Perhaps a little disco-oriented, but still great orchestrated funk

Sha Bumpin' **

Rocked-up funk with wailing guitar solos - Percy's fans must have had a coronary hearing this

Hill Where The Lord Hides ***

Never mind the odd title - this sounds like it belongs in one of those Charles Bronson action movies, complete with Herbie Hancock-style electric piano solo

 

 F.B.I.

UK 70's soul combo

F.B.I. *****

Free Prison ***

Good basic groove but it veers off-course a few times. Also overly heavy lyrical matter puts you off a bit (well, me anyway)

Bad Deal ***

Ditto to the above

Keep On Running **

No, not the Spencer Davis tune, but funk-rock that indeed keeps on running for 9 minutes plus, long outstaying any welcome it had in the first place

Talking About Love ***

A couple of excellent funk breaks here, but the rest (ballad meets blaxploitation) isn't so good

Get That Ball ****

 

 JOSE FELICIANO

Earnest Latino singer/acoustic guitarist, best known for his interpretation of others' songs

I've Got A Feeling ****

Another intro that's a dead-ringer for "Superstition" - otherwise pretty good

Sweet Street ***

 

 BRYAN FERRY

Roxy Music's sultan of suave

Sensation ***

Ferry's funk is as smooth and sophisticated as the man himself

 

 PIOTR FIEGEL ENSEMBLE

Polish Orchestra

Agent 008 ****

This would have got full marks had they dropped the irritating (and superfluous) lead vocal and pistol-shooting effects

 

 TIM FINN

Kiwi ex-Crowded House dweller

You've Changed ****

 

 FIRE

Latino hombres

Flight To Cuba **

 

 5000 VOLTS

70's pop studio concoction - originally featured Tina Charles on vocals (although they got a blond dolly bird to mime to her voice on TOTP)

Thunderfire **

All-too-obviously popsters having a go at funk, despite the semi-tough vocal chant. The weird dreamy disco interludes don't help

 

 FLINTLOCK

Resident band on 70's ITV kids' comedy progammes such as "Pauline's Quirkes", featuring a young Pauline Quirke (surprise) and her "Birds of a Feather" chum Linda Robson. I used to really enjoy watching these shows and in particular the band, who seemed more than competent for their age - I remember actually giving a cheer when I saw they had made the top 30 chart rundown on TOTP with a song of their own (although sadly, they never got higher than 30)

Got My Eye On You **

When you take into account that when this was recorded the average age of the band was around 15, it isn't actually too bad - like a lighter version of Stretch's "Why Did You Do It?" (see below)

 

 FLOWERS & COX

Library music guys

Snapper ***

80's-style funk workout with Sanborn-alike sax over it

 

 THE FLYING LIZARDS

Post-punk minimalists. The legend was that their (novelty) hit cover "Money" only cost a tenner to record. As a teenager I remember this being played to coffin-dodgers at some seaside resort on the revived Juke Box Jury. Unsurprisingly they considered it a racket - a view I first shared, but I love it nowadays, especially the howling backing vocals

Sex Machine **

James Brown's seminal tune gets the "Money" treatment, with the spare (deliberately?) badly-performed backing and the apathetic "Sloan Ranger" talking vocal - was all their material done in this manner? I've gleaned this much from a snippet on Allmusic (the single's very rare and pricey). You can't really take it seriously, but it's still better than Iggy Pop's version (see below)

 

 BOBBY FORRESTER

American soul-jazz organist - white equivalent of Jimmy McGriff, Richard Groove Holmes, etc

Sanford And Son ****

Adaptation of the theme tune to America's version of "Steptoe And Son", with a great organ-led jam in the middle

Uncle Funky ****

Another grooving track from the rare "Organist" LP with wah wah a plenty

 

 RENZO FRAIESE

Could be black, could be white, my guess is Latino

12 Engle Street ****

Driving fusion-style funk

 

 FREEEZ

Early 80's Brit jazz-funkers turned electro-dancers

Southern Freeez ***

More disco than funk really

Flying High *

Anything else of promise on this is totally wiped out by the OTT slap bass

 

 FUNK FACTORY

US project helmed by Polish jazzer Michal Urbaniak

Rien Ne Va Plus ***

Polished groove (not an intentional pun) interrupted too often by a breakdown segment that adds nothing at all

 

 FUNKAPOLITAN

Much-hyped but short-lived offshoot of the New Romantic scene. Even if they had real talent, their choice of name (presumably because they were into funk and had a cosmopolitan i.e. black and white line-up) doomed them from having a substantial career

As The Time Goes By **

Hype and a hot producer (August Darnell a.k.a. Kid Creole, who was probably the hippest dude on the planet at that point) can't mask a banal virtually non-existent tune - small wonder it failed to become a big hit. The hideously-dated huge snare (probably cutting edge when recorded) doesn't exactly help either

 

 FUTURE SHOCK

Another one those contemporary funk revivalist bands

Soul Party ***

Quite listenable if you edit out the rubbish choruses and ignore the handclaps

 

 GALLIANO

Acid-jazzers

Skunk Funk *

Not-very-good acid jazz

 

 PATSY GALLANT

Canadian AOR chanteuse

It'll All Come Around ****

 

 GANG OF FOUR

Lauded by the music press as the personification of punk-funk. I saw them in 1978 (as a last minute support for Siouxsie & the Banshees) and was quite impressed. However I was disappointed when I recently listened to a greatest hits compilation - whatever funkiness they had was offset by the highly irritating vocalist

I Love A Man In A Uniform **

More polished than their earlier stuff - shame about the 80's crunching snare/handclap beats

 

 RENEE GEYER BAND

From the land down under

Really Really Love You ***

Sounds like a rock outfit doing their token funk number - not bad though

 

 DIZZY GILLESPIE

The legendary blowfish-cheeked jazz trumpeter - yes, he's black, but the mastermind behind these tracks was soundtrack supremo Lalo Schifrin

Fire Dance **

A little quick, probably more disco than funk

Free Ride ****

Ozone Madness ***

Wrong Number ****

 

 THE GLITTER BAND

Gary Gl*tter's glam-rock backing group

Makes You Blind ****

Tuna Biscuit *****

See Record Reviews Volume 10 for both the above

 

 GOBLIN

Italian prog-rockers. Also supplied soundtracks to cult horror movies

Snip Snap *****

 

 GONZALEZ

70's Latin-soul-funk collective - black, white, and inbetween participated

Funky Frith Street ****

Unfortunately lasts for less than 2 minutes

Just Let It Lay ****

No Way ****

Way

Pack It Up ****

Tear Down The Business ****

Underground Railroad ***

 

 THE GOODIES

When not riding around on their 3-seater bike, this 70's comedy trio indulged themselves in cutting several albums of musical pastichery (it would never happen today). Musical mastermind Bill Oddie was a big funk fan, and never turned down an opportunity to contribute his own variety

The Cricklewood Shakedown ***

Similar to "The Funky Gibbon" but a bit better

Goodies Theme ***

Funky theme that was sadly replaced by a far inferior rock version - maybe it wasn't considered funny enough by the Beeb

The Funky Gibbon **

Great riff in the intro, but the silliness dominates thereafter

Funky Farm *

Beware - this is just some loops with silly farm animal noises on it, and is a funk-free zone

Photo-Fit ****

See Record Reviews Volume 10

Ride My Pony ****

Presumably modelled on Lee Dorsey's "Ride Your Pony" but is actually funkier, and the lyrics don't distract either

 

 GRANDMOTHER'S FUNCK

90's Swiss jazz-funk fusioneers. What an awful name - is it a pun of some kind, or is it a lost-in-translation thing (like the unfortunately-monickered German and Japanese metal bands "Bonfire" and "Loudness")

Call Me ***

When She Said Goodbye Forever **

Julio's Bounce **

Ain't No Makin' Whoopee Anymore **

 

 STEVE GRAY

Library music keyboard player - one time member of Sky

Light My Fire ***

OK library funk - why did he have to use the Doors' title?

 

 THE GREAT DISCO BOUZOUKI BAND

Zorba the Greek with a disco beat

Greek Girls *

Zorba the Greek with a funky beat - as bad as it sounds

Ouzo And Retsina ***

Zorba the Greek with a funky beat - not as bad as it sounds

 

 JOHNNY GREEN AND THE GREENMEN

Long-running US cabaret act - have apparently entertained American Presidents

Inside Out ****

 

 CAROL GRIMES

Course-voiced regular on the 70's London live circuit, who also played "Grotbags" in a popular children's TV series

Uphill Piece Of Mind ***

 

 GROOVE COLLECTIVE

90's ethnically diverse New-York based er, collective. They pretty much deliver on their promise, although the grooves are usually more disco/latin/acid jazz fusion than funk

Everybody ****

Jay Wrestles the Boa Constrictor ***

 

 DAVE GRUSIN

Jazz-fusion pianist and co-founder of the smooth jazz label GRP. Also done loads of soundtrack work

Condor! *****

From the OST "Three Days of the Condor". I saw this described on a website as "white funk", which was probably a motivating factor in putting this feature together. The soundtrack has some other great funky grooves, but unfortunately they don't last very long - why couldn't Grusin have done a Henry Mancini/Lalo Schifrin and re-recorded it for the pop market? Unfortunately, when he finally did, it was too late (see below) 

Condor! **

Re-recording on one of Grusin's own commercial albums, longer than the original, but despite probably featuring many of the same players (such as black session drummer Harvey Mason) is let down by dreadful 80's production

Out To Lunch With The CIA ****

A composite of two "Condor" soundtrack pieces that I've mixed together (they would both last for under a minute otherwise)

 

 PERRY HAINES

Early 80's co-founder of style-bible "ID Magazine" and general all-round mover and shaker. As a producer, his legacy to pop was that archetypal (and god-awful) 80's big-hair band King - thanks Perry!

What's Funk *

Not only is Perry's cod-cockney hobson's insufferable, but the musical backing is pretty stilted too. Amazingly, it turns out to be provided by UK black musicians Bluey of Incognito plus various members of Central Line, who prove you don't have to be white to play funk badly

What's What **

Dub version of the above, a little more palatable for the fact that Perry's vocal contribution is mercifully limited

 

 HAIRCUT 100

Early 80's boy-next-door types in chunky knitwear. Actually proclaimed as "the new Beatles" at one point (!)

Favourite Shirts **

Frantic funk of the skinniest white-boy variety

Kingsize ***

Again rather frantic, but some nice instrumental interludes. The best of this bunch by a hair's breadth

Love's Got Me In Triangles **

At last they've slowed the tempo, but it's still all a bit too jolly

Calling Captain Autumn **

Baked Bean *

 

 ERWIN HALLETZ

German easy guy and soundtrack composer

Das Studenhotel Von St Pauli ***

 

 HARCO PRONT

Seriously weird dude - all his songs are about a minute long

Night ***

Better ***

Both sound like an off-kilter version of Prince

 

 JOHNNY HARRIS

Scottish orchestra leader and arranger - later moved to LA to score among other things the music for "Buck Rogers"

Odyssey **

Not sure if Johnny was trying to do jazz-funk, disco, or even prog (or perhaps trying to mix them all together) on this rather laboured drum-heavy track that sadly doesn't have any orchestral instrumentation for which he was renowned, instead featuring non-stop tiresome synth solos that even someone like Jan Hammer would consider too self-indulgent

 

 ALAN HAWKSHAW

Legendary organ-grinder and Library music composer

Hawkwind and Fire **

Rather staid effort, not as good as punning title suggests. Also no sign of organ

Fuel Injection ****

Again no organ, but electric piano, synths, and a killer clavinet riff are all lobbed in

 

 HEATWAVE

This mixture of black Americans and white Europeans are wrongly destined to go down in history as disco dudes - they weren't, they were a soul band that sometimes got funky. Rather strangely, they were produced by ex-glamster Barry Blue

Boogie Nights *****

For this alone, ace songwriter Rod Temperton should get a knighthood - arise, Sir Rodney! No, make that Lord Temperton of Cleethorpes!

The Groove Line ****

Too Hot To Handle ***

Slip Your Disc To This **

Razzle Dazzle ***

Aint No Half Steppin' ***

Super Soul Sister **

Might have earned another star if it didn't have an odd double-time rock 'n' roll-style break in it

Beat Your Booty **

 

 STEVE HILLAGE

Spaced-out hippy

Unidenitifed ***

The drummer (and producer) on this is Pink Floyd's Nick Mason - whoever thought such a plodder could get funky?

 

 HONKY

Disco-era UK group. Somebody asked me why I thought they might be white - I pointed out their name appeared to be pretty self-explanatory. I think Ken Gold (producer of The Real Thing's hits) was involved

Join The Party ***

Party Time Funky Time ****

Trite lyrics ("Party Time! Find a lady") may have stopped this from scoring top marks

 

 HOOKFOOT

early 70's UK rockers

Sweet Sweet Funky Music *

The Opener ***

See Record Reviews Volume 10 for both the above

 

 HOT BUTTER

American moog-manipulators

Space Walk ****

See Record Reviews Volume 10

 

 HOT ICE

Don't know anything about this lot so it's a pure guess they're white

Boogie Joogie **

Sounds like BT Express or Brass Construction on a bad day

 

 HOUSEBAND

Funking Dutchmen

Giving Up Food For Funk **

Apparently a JB's tune - I haven't heard the original but hopefully it's better than this clogged-up cover

 

 LES HURDLE

Session/library bassist

Soul Train ***

This blatantly steals the horn riff from Kool's "Jungle Boogie", but also features a wah-wah clavinet, so can't be all bad

 

 DICK HYMAN

American all-purpose keyboardist

Give It Up Or Turn It Loose ****

Wacky but inspired cover of a JB tune that drums apart, consists entirely of Moogs

 

 INCREDIBLE BONGO BAND

Apparently LA session musos having some fun on their nights off

Okey Dokey ***

Sharp Nine ***

 

 INDEEP

NY DIY dance project

Last Night A DJ Saved My Life ****

Everyone knows this 80's club classic. Not everyone knows the guy behind it (who also did the rap) was white

 

 NICK INGMAN

Library/session and general all-round muso - arranging talents sadly later wasted on indie neanderthals Oasis

Down Home ***

Starts off really well, but then doesn't really go anywhere

 

 INNER CITY EXPRESS

I think 70's UK soul arranger Gerry Shury had something to do with this

Fat On Funk *****

Slick and shiny but still top-class funk

 

 THE INTELLIGENTS

I know nothing about this band other than they were around in the late 70's, but judging from their lyrics they perhaps didn't take themselves that seriously

Take It From The Top **

A strange mix of funk, electro, pop, and eurodisco

 

 INTERPLANETARY SOUND WORKSHOP

Cashed in on the hugely popular "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" film and soundtrack

Close Encounters ***

Interesting if patchy funked-up version of the theme

 

 JABBA

UK 70's funksters

Super bad ***

Super-fast JB cover - the lead singer sounds a bit like David Byrne of Talking Heads (!)

 

 C. JACK

60's euro soundtrack guy

Le Cuple ***

Very early-sounding groovy funk effort, complete with organ and fuzz guitar solos. Probably used for a porno flick

 

 BOB JAMES

Vying with Dave Grusin for the title of king of smooth jazz

One Mint Julep ***

Storm King ***

Tappan Zee ***

Westchester Lady ****

Perhaps a touch over-orchestrated at times, but still tougher than his usual output

 

 JIMMY JAMES

Heavyweight black American soul singer who came over to Blighty and hooked up with Biddu and white backing musicians

Disco Fever **

The title and lyrics are an early attempt to capitalise on the disco boom. The music is somewhat fast 'n' furious funky fever with an overstated squelchy bass

If You Think That Funk Is Junk You're Drunk ***

Not bad, but not as good as title suggests

 

 THE JAMES GANG

Heavy rock power trio

Funk#49 *

I've only heard a bit of this, but sounds like another one where the word funk is taken in vain

 

 JAMIROQUAI

The much maligned "prat in the hat" and sidekicks. If you analyse their stuff more closely, you'll find that it generally has relatively little classic funk content, but then again, you can say the same about Stevie Wonder, who they're oft-accused of being a poor zerox copy of. Here's the nearest I could find (and even that's questiionable):

Hooked Up ***

Mr Moon ***

 

 JAPAN

70's unfashionable glam-metal merchants turned 80's cool New Romantic pretty boys - flirted with funk more in their early days

Adolescent Sex **

Wish You Were Black **

The Unconventional ***

Suburban Love ****

Namechecks Earth Wind & Fire but sounds more like the Thin White Duke

The Art of Parties **

 

 ROY JAY

Camp-looking but rough-voiced "entertainer" - probably a regular on the "Workie" circuit in the 70's. Put out a self-financed album, presumably sold at gigs (released on the "Clubland" label, which is a big clue). Collectors of cod-reggae should seek this out for a cringeworthy version of "A Whiter Shade of Pale", complete with moog doing the organ solo

Vehicle ***

Creditably funky version of the Ides of March soul/rock tune (the one with the powerful brass refrain)

 

 JESUS (ALVAREZ)

Was once a part of Shirley And Company - I'm guessing he's of Latino heritage but of course he could be black, as are many Americans with Hispanic names

Ya Ya Ya ****

 

 JIMBO

See Record Reviews Volume 7

Do The Skunk ***

I'm guessing this lot are white because of the bluesy guitar solos going on over the main riff and heavy distorted chords in the breaks

 

 JOE

A man with no surname... but then again, it could be a band name

How Can I Resist ***

Solid, workmanlike effort from (at a guess) white Brit & chums

 

 ELTON JOHN

Podgy piano pounder of little discernable talent (in my opinion)

Grow Some Funk Of Your Own *

I know I've commented on this elsewhere on my site, but if the word "funk" is used in the title, then surely you should expect at least an element of it in the music? Not the case here

 

 GRACE JONES

Fearsome fashionista

Slave To The Rhythm *****

Grace gets a Trevor Horn makeover. So good they made a whole album of it

 

 JTQ

Acid jazz mainstays

A Good Thing ***

The Brand New Heavies in all but name

Breakout **

Horn line ripped from Brass Construction's classic "Movin'"

Groovin' Home **

Nice wah wah, but the rest of it is pretty leaden

Three Mile Island ***

 

 THE JU-PAR UNIVERSAL ORCHESTRA

Either Canadian or American, depending what you read. Credits suggest multi-racial line up. Produced by Quincy Jones' (white) right-hand man Bruce Swedien

Flute Salad *****

In truth more blaxploitation-based than pure funk, but still brilliant none-the-less. Also top marks for punning

Funky Music **

Ruined by the incessant girly vocals reeling off banalities like "We're gonna make funky music, yes we are, yes we are" on autopilot - why couldn't they have just given it a rest and let the flute player loose like they did on "Flute Salad" (or even just left the groove to take care of itself, which it could do quite nicely, thanks)?

Beauty And The Beast ***

So-so groove that is rescued by the growl-flautist - still too much girly vocal, though

Got To Get-A-Way **

Good riff interrupted by too many boring breakdowns (and of course the you've-guessed-it girly vocals)

 

 KC AND THE SUNSHINE BAND

The brainchild of white buddies Howie Casey and Richard Finch. They became disco legends, but some of their material is funkier than given credit for

Do It Good ***

Get Down Tonight ****

I Like To Do It ***

That's The Way I Like It ****

Wrap Your Arms Around Me ****

 

 EL KLAN

from Mexico, apparently

Cold Sweat ***

JB cover. They've got the groove, but the tempo gives Speedy Gonzales a run for his money

 

 KOKOMO

Blue-eyed soul group - their male lead singer sounded more female than the band's female singers

Kittee **

It Aint Cool **

They come over as the sort of act that sounds great in a smoky dive, but can't translate to vinyl. In the first album's case, probably because they were produced by Chris Thomas, whose normal clients were the likes of the Sex Pistols and the Pretenders

Do It Right ***

This one came from their second album, recorded in the US. Strains for but doesn't quite get another star (like much of their output)

Feelin' Good ***

 

 KOMBI

Polish er, combo

How Can I Stand It ***

Fair-enough funk, but as with all Polish stuff, the singing is a little unnerving - unlike (say) French or Portugese, it's not an attractive language to set to music

 

 LATI KRONLUND

US-based Scandinavian (or of that heritage) - when not doing library music, he oversees hip-hop crew Brooklyn Funk Essentials

Bust The Bus Stop ***

Fingers In The Groove ***

Jampot ****

Stanky ***

 

 DUNCAN LAMONT

Scottish sax-playing veteran of the session and library scenes

Funky Express ****

Even Duncan admits he was ripping-off Herbie Hancock's "Chameleon". Strangely enough, this is actually funkier than Herbie's track

 

 LANDSCAPE

Jazz-rockers-turned-electro-poppers

Too Many Questions ****

See Record Reviews Volume 10

 

 k.d. LANG

Country/pop dyke

Just Keep Me Moving ****

 

 D.C. La RUE

Sounds like a euro-disco dude, but is actually American

Ca-The-Drals ****

Some would say this was disco rather than funk - even so it's got killer guitar and clavinet riffs

 

 LE PAMPLEMOUSSE

A front for American disco producers Laurin Rinder and W. Michael Lewis (rather disappointingly, the name translates from French as "The Grapefruit")

Lock It Up ****

Spunky riff tempered only by indifferent breaks (one for the sound editor to fix)

Keep On Doin' **

 

 THE LEBRON BROTHERS

Latin boogaloo crew

Got Myself Together ***

Their funk is actually much better than their boogaloo

 

 LED ZEPPELIN

Hideous blues-rock screamers - responsible for a lot that is wrong in popular music (in my opinion)

The Crunge *

 

 LEVEL 42

Started out in the early 80's as jazz-funk-fusioneers, then moved to pop with a funk undercurrent as they hit big. Surprisingly, despite the in-your-face presence of bass-slapping mainman Mark King, not that much of their stuff is actual funk - here's the nearest candidates:

43 ****

Almost There ***

Dream Crazy ***

Love Games ***

Sandstorm ****

Theme To Margaret ***

True Believers ***

 

 LINDA LEWIS

Childlike-voiced pop/soul vocalist

Sideway Shuffle ***

Like many UK-based black singers in the 70's, her backing musicians were mainly whiteys. Bits of this sound disturbingly like "Iko Iko"

 

 LIGHTNIN' RED

Pseudonym for a Stereo Gold Award guitarist of dubious origin - who was that masked axeman?

Funky Friday ***

Maybe what Jimi Hendrix would have sounded like had he ever got funky (not that he ever did)

Papa's Got A Brand New Bag **

More fuzzy fretboard fiddling over what sounds like an early James Brown groove (but isn't, despite the title)

 

 LIMMIE FUNK LIMITED

The man behind this (writer and producer) was one Simon Cohen - I don't know about you, but the only black Jew I've heard of is Sammy Davis Jr.

Soul Rules O.K.? *****

Misleading title - this is one pretty funky mother, a cross between Wild Cherry and the Commodores

 

 LITTLE BEAVER

Black session guitarist for TK records in the 70's

I Can Dig It Baby ***

Features pre-fame bass wunderkind Jaco Pastorius. Jaco was evidently a funk fan in his youth (see below) but this is probably the nearest he came to being funky himself

 

 LITTLE FEAT

Offered a steaming musical gumbo, but usually with only a soupcon of funk

Two Trains ***

 

 THE LONDON PHILHARMONIC ORCHESTRA

Released an album called "A Classic Case of Funk". To be honest, the odd popping bassline apart, it's mainly a case of classics with a beat

The Gilbert And Sullivan Case *

The nearest they actually get to funk is on a medley of G&S tunes. James Brown's "Sex Machine" riff is poorly ripped off, but in any case, like the rest of the album, the rhythm is swamped by the orchestral arrangements. Hard to say who'd be more offended by this: funk fans or lovers of light operettas

 

 GEOFF LOVE

The UK's favourite budget easy listening orchestra leader, who technically was at least of half-black origin, although an upbringing playing in brass bands in the Yorkshire Dales is not exactly straight out of the ghetto

Three Days Of The Condor **

Cover of Dave Grusin's tune is all-but undone by a bassist who clearly has no feel for this kind of thing

Space Patrol ***

Obviously "Star Wars" influenced, this was put together by Love's protégé Nick Ingman (Geoff was probably getting a round of golf in at the time)

FM ***

Geoff not only attempts to cover this fairly complicated Steely Dan track (as an instrumental take), but even dares to try and make it a bit funkier than the original - it works in some parts better than others, but an extra star for trying anyway 

 

 GALT MacDERMOT

Composer of overrated hippy musical Hair - also believed in some quarters to have invented funk before James Brown (the Leif Ericsson of funk?)

Tango *

Funky drums (by Bernard Purdie) and chattering guitar completely negated by awful avant-garde ivory tinkling and bass playing

Radio Rock *

This time Idris Muhammad tries working up a funky beat with all his might, but the rest (including Galt and his weedy organ) just don't match up. Both these tracks show that MacDermot may have hit on fragments of funk, but any claim he originated the genre is fatuous to say the least

 

 MANCHESTER CITY F.C.

Supposedly the team that actual Mancunians support (as opposed to United fans, who allegedly bring the M6 to a standstill every other weekend). I've lived in the Rainy City for over 10 years now, and contrary to the myth I've met a lot more fans of the Reds than the Blues

Funky City ****

See Record Reviews Volume 6

 

 HENRY MANCINI

Hollywood soundtrack legend, later released albums mainly of covers in his own unique easy style

Pick Up The Pieces **

The rhythm section on this cover of the AWB classic isn't too bad (by this time Hank was using the services of jazz-fusion sessioneers like Larry Carlton and Harvey Mason) but the orchestrated strings (that always seemed a little harsh on his recordings to me) just don't fit at all

 

 MANDINGO

Home-counties based session players and library music composers try to cash in on the Afro Rock fad of the early and mid 70's

Fever Pitch ****

Goddess Of The Sun **

Sounds like they've drafted in high priestess of Exotica Yma Sumac on this one (in reality, a sound-alike). Would have scored higher if not for substandard bass-playing (Herbie Flowers presumably not available for this session)

Jungle Juice ***

Manhunter ***

The Cheetah ****

 

 HERBIE MANN

Shrill jazz flautist who had a tendency to jump on any bandwagon rolling (bossa nova... fusion... disco...)

Bird In A Silver Cage ***

Herbie trills away over orchestrated disco-funk provided by Silver Convention ubermeister Sylvester Levay. One that benefits from pruning out the less funky bits with a sound editor

 

 JOHN MARTYN

Toxic folkie

Dealer ***

Not actually funk as such, but has a strange kind of funk feel about it

 

 FRANK McDONALD & CHRIS RAE

Session guys, did some library tunes

Fever Pitch **

Well named

Last One ***

Love Session ***

 

 JOHN McLAUGHLIN

Overated jazz-rock-fusion guitarist

Desire And The Comforter **

Sounds like Jeff Beck & the Jan Hammer Group - perhaps would have gained another star if it lasted longer

 

 MECO

Orchestral arranger, best known for his disco version of "Star Wars"

Funk *

Unimaginative and a little misleading title - no amount of funky guitar can disguise the fact that this is driven by a drum arrangement more suited to John Philip Souza marches, and the two don't gel here

 

 MEMPHIS BLACK

Unhip white Germans pretend to be hip black Americans

Why Don't You Play The Organ Man? **

Doesn't quite work due to overbearing bass line

 

 MEZZOFORTE

Early 80's Shakatak-alike Icelandic crew

Funk Suite No. 1 *

The only possible excuse that this dire effort is so-named is because English isn't their first language. Hopefully they never got around to releasing No. 2

 

 JERZY MILIAN

Polish geezer

Note In A Crest ***

Not bad stuff, but the players seem overly hesitant at times

 

 MIAMI

Mostly black but one or two white members. From (where else) Miami - I'm sure they were produced by Rick Finch of KC fame. Mainly disco output but of the funky variety

Broken Down Man ***

Poppy effort with a funk jam outro

Got To Get It On ***

Hey Y'All We're Miami ***

 

 THE MILLION DOLLAR ORCHESTRA

Contemporary studio crew try (and fail) to re-create the halcyon days of disco

Keep On Doin Watcha Doin **

The nearest they come to funk. Like the rest of the album, it sounds like they're trying too hard. More like the Tap Washer Orchestra

 

 MODERN ROMANCE

Early 80's cod-latin practitioners

Tear The Roof Off The Moose *

Two puns in one title - one a nod to Parliament's anthem, the other references the A side "Ay Ay Ay Ay Moosey" (moose/house - geddit?). Shame they didn't spend as much time on the music, dominated by "Woh-oh!" soulboy chant ad nauseum. Probably explains why singer Geoff Deane left the band to write BBC sitcoms

 

 ALAN MOORHOUSE AND HIS BOND STREET BRIGADE

UK all-round musical director/arranger etc

Funky Fever ***

Unlike Meco (see above), Al shows its possible to mix funk with march rhythms

 

 MIKE MORAN

Session/library keyboardist - familiar to Joe Public via his duet with Lynsey De Paul on a Eurovision Song Contest entry (appropriately titled "Rock Bottom")

The Pick-Up **

Third-rate rip-off of "Pick Up The Pieces" - he's even nicked part of the track title

 

 FRANCIS MONKMAN

Another session/library keyboardist - probably best known for being in Sky

Superdude ***

Another variation on the old "For The Love Of Money" bassline

 

 LARRY MORRIS

Kiwi rocker

Who Do We Think We're Fooling ***

Just about holds itself together, but Larry's gruff meandering vocal doesn't help

 

 MUD

Seen by many as in the vanguard of Glam, but pseudo-tranny-with-dangly-earrings guitarist apart, their look and sound was no more glam than say, The Rubettes - more of an updated rock 'n' roll band, really. Like other ChinniChap-reared acts, once they chose to cut the apron strings and "do their own thing", their star soon waned

Shake It Down ***

The missing link between Tiger Feet and Kylie Minogue. This was virtually their swansong, trying to hitch a ride on the swelling disco wave. This actually made the top 20 at the time, yet I bet few can remember it - I thought I knew everything about the charts back then, yet I'm ashamed to say this somehow passed me by completely

 

 WERNER MULLER

German easy-meister

A Sex Machine **

Another cover of Soul Brother Number One's classic. The rhythm section try really hard to concoct some kind of cohesive groove (although the JB's they aint). Unfortunately the horn section (copying the "Get on up" vocal lines) are so busy reading the dots they're not taking a blind bit of notice of what's happening underneath. I think the word funk means something completely different in German, so maybe they misunderstood

 

 MUNICH MACHINE

Georgio Moroder project

Get On The Funk Train **

Quite a good disco effort, but not really funk despite the presence of wah-wah licks and clavinet riffs

 

 WALTER MURPHY

US keyboardist/writer/bandleader who capitalised on the disco boom

A Fifth Of Beethoven ***

If the creators of "A Classic Case of Funk" were using this as their inspiration, they obviously weren't listening too hard - unlike their effort, it's a good mix of light funk (not disco as commonly mistaken for) and orchestral arrangements, with the funk on the higher ground

Uptown Serenade ***

Glitzy funk that sounds like the soundtrack to Charlie's Angels (I mean the crappy 70's TV series, not the even crappier film revivals), but still funk all the same  

 

 MUSCLES

Appeared on the Brummie independent label Big Bear (usually more associated with blues-rock) in the 70's

Make Me Happy *

Aaarrgh! leaping octave basslines alert as they try to jump aboard the disco bandwagon

I'm Gonna Synthesise You **

Plenty of synth action but rather pedestrian

Love Fire **

Funky ballad, gets a bit more interesting in the electric piano solo

Music Is Our Message **

Muscle Hustle *

Listless fusion instrumental - waste of a good title

No Smoke Without Fire **

People **

Main riff is just about okay, but veers off into quasi-fusion breakdowns too often

Jungle Strut ***

Probably their best, but like all their stuff, it doesn't quite hit the mark: thin production and the bass playing are most likely causes

 

 NINO NARDINI

French library music composer

Backgammon ***

Charger Attack ***

Express Pour Portofino **

Funk on speed - were Haircut 100 listening to this?

Fast Delivery **

Latinova **

The opposite of Express Pour Portofino - drags heavily

Passport International ***

Pop Riviera **

 

 THE NEW JERSEY KINGS

Pseudonym for JTQ - I think because of contractual problems, certainly not a change of musical style

Green Screen ***

Fairly typical of contemporary funk - not bad but not good either

 

 THE NEW YORK ROCK AND SOUL REVUE

90's professional muso collective letting their hair down at weekends. Among those moonlighting in their ranks was Donald Fagen of Steely Dan

Shakey Ground ***

Temptations cover fronted by singer-songwriter Phoebe Snow. The musical backing is well done, but is let down by "plastic" modern recording methods

 

 GARY NUMAN

Much-pilloried synth-rock merchant

We Take Mystery (To Bed) ** 

the Numanoid gets Mick Karn (or is it Pino Palladino) to add noodling fretless basslines to his usual whiny-voiced electro formula. There's actually some quite funky guitar going down in the "chorus"

 

 BILLY OCEAN

In his early days he worked mainly with white musicians

Cream On The Top ***

 

 BILL ODDIE

Goodies member goes solo

Superspike Part 2 ****

A close relative of the Goodies "Photo Fit". Part 1 apparently ruined by "comic" interjections by the likes of John Cleese

 

 THE OLYMPIC RUNNERS

Sessioneer supergroup put together by blues producer Mike Vernon

Drag It Over Here ***

On Ya ****

A direct lift of George Duke's "Dukey Stick", but still good

Solar Heat ****

 

 ORANGE JUICE

Early 80's Scottish indie rockers

Rip It Up **

Almost endearing in its naivety

Flesh Of My Flesh **

Take out Edwyn Collin's voice, and you're left with some real cocktail funk (don't know if they intended it)

 

 JOHNNY OTIS

Veteran blues/gospel bandleader and mentor

Comin' At You Baby *****

Jaws ***

Country Girl **

Funky blues

Don't It Make You Feel Good ****

Funky ballad

Skunk Booty ***

Watts Breakaway ***

Sounds like a better Stax effort

 

 SHUGGIE OTIS

Son of Johnny

Bootie Cooler ***

Bluesy funker

Miss Pretty ****

 

 ROBERT PALMER

Smooth and stylish (even in the shaggy 70's) rock crooner - dabbled in various forms of black music

Night People ***

Better without the rocky middle eight (chop it out with a sound editor if you've got one)

Sneaking Sally Through The Alley ***

Sounds like the sort of thing Kokomo might have turned out (some of them were probably actually involved)

 

 ALAN PARKER

Session/library guitarist and composer - also in Blue Mink (but not the film director)

Sweeny (sic) Todd ***

No doubt written with the ace 70's cop show of the same name in mind - don't know if it was used in the series itself

 

 PARRICELLI & SULZMANN

Library music dudes

Jaywalkin' *****

Funk meets smooth jazz - the kind of thing you'd expect to hear from people like David Sanborn and Candy Dulfer, only they've never done it as well as this

 

 JACO PASTORIUS

Jazz-rock bass nonpareil

The Chicken **

Home demo of the James Brown instrumental with a teenage Jaco playing everything. This reminds me of a talent show I once attended, where I witnessed a precocious juvenile drummer daring to play a complicated disco rhythm (16th hi-hats and all) to a backing track. Of course he couldn't keep it up, and after a minute or so the wheels came off completely. Unlike him, Jaco doesn't quite crash and burn, but it's clear at this stage of his development his talent doesn't match his ambition

The Chicken *

Many years later Jaco realised an ambition to re-record what is evidently a favourite of his, along with an orchestra's worth of crack musicians. Unfortunately at this point the man probably had too much talent, so instead of maximising the groove potential of what is a fairly simplistic tune, he chose to make it a hideous fiddly-noodly-self-indulgent-up-it's-own-backside fusion abomination

 

 THE PEDDLERS

60's Hammond-led beat trio

Impressions ***

The organist switches to electric piano, and they've drafted in a guitarist armed with a wah-wah pedal too - gives this track a good blaxploitation feel

 

 PENTANGLE

Jazzy folkies (or is it folky jazzers?)

Helping Hand ***

Features a funky segment in 7/8 time that you can make a decent mix with

 

 DAVID PERIAN

Another library music bod

The Race Machine ***

Brassy funky fusion

 

 JEAN-JACQUES PERREY

Moog innovator

Soul City ***

Possibly the first ever case of white men being funky

 

 PHILHARMONIC 2000

Another attempt at grafting classical melodies onto funk rhythms

Moonshine ***

 

 DAVE PIKE SET

US jazz vibester with some German chums

I Got The Feelin' ***

Competent (but no more) cover of another JB track - quite hard to tell where "the one" is

 

 THE POETS

Sounding like they come from LA, but are apparently from the land of kilts and haggis

Fun Buggy ***

Very similar to The Basic (see above)

 

 IGGY POP

"The Godfather of Punk". Personally, I've never understood the Messiah-like adulation that Mr Pop gets from the rock press and fans

Sex Machine *

Ill-advised tilt at the Godfather of Soul's signature tune. As Iggy's usual thrashing rock is of a shambolic nature, he's always going to be out of his depth tackling a far more disciplined idiom

 

 PLUS

Funky Belgians (if that's not an oxymoron)

Put Everything Together ***

 

 THE PRIDE OF LONDON BIG BAND

The name says it all really

Blue Angels **

G's Jump ***

See Record Reviews Part 5

Rio Con Brio *

Trying to apply the funk treatment to a feeble Edmundo Ros-style cod-latin tune really is a recipe for disaster

 

 PUSH

More modern funk rehashers

Northside Shuffle ***

Car chase funk - just add squealing tyres

Traffic ***

 

 QUEEN

The ultimate Stadium Rock showband

Another One Bites The Dust **

The (in)famous Chic "Good Times" rip-off. Despite that, would have scored at least another star if Brian May hadn't kept the funky guitar riff so brief

Fun It **

An early example of funk-metal, has its moments but never really gets going

 

 QUILLER

A one-off project for the so-so 70's spy series of the same name

Quiller ***

Plenty of clavinet action

 

 RANDY PIE

jazzy-proggy types

Sophisticated ***

Definitely has that feel of of rockers trying hard to funk, but not bad for all that with some good horn lines. Shame the tiresome singer sounds nothing like sophisticated

 

 RARE EARTH

One of the few white acts signed to Motown

Born To Wander ***

Their stuff is probably more soul and pop than funk - here's the nearest they get that I've heard

 

 RAULZINHO & IMPACTO 8

Brazilian trombonist and multi-coloured cohorts

I've Got The Feelin' ***

Along the lines of early James Brown circa "I Got You"

 

 RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

Or "Chili Peppers" to those who follow them

Give It Away **

Having read the hype that they were supposedly funky, I listened to a greatest hits compilation and discovered that this apart, I'd completely wasted my time. This is OK, but as it's late 80's there's the big and nasty in-yer-face snare sound all over it

 

 PETER RENO

Mancunian (I think) general purpose keyboardist

Silver Thrust ***

An organ, bongo and flute frenzy

 

 BUDDY RICH

He may have been the self-proclaimed greatest drummer of all time (or some such similar immodest claim), but when it came to the funk, apparently he couldn't work it out for himself and had to seek the advice of others. As far as I'm concerned, drums are for keeping rhythm, not mind-numbingly boring (and pointless) solos

Big Mac ***

This starts off brilliantly, and while Rich keeps his ego in check it works well, But unsurprisingly it gets more and more ragged as it goes on, as Buddy feels the irresistible urge to get more flashy

 

 RIGHT ON!

Actually notorious SGA label supremo Leo Muller and a hapless bunch of poorly-paid sessioneers - released an album under this alias called "Soul Hits"

You Said A Bad Word **

Cover of a Joe Tex tune, more soul-like and less funky than Joe's original

Funk Factory *

This isn't funky at all, but then again I suspect much the same accusation could be levelled at Wilson Pickett's own recording

There It Is ***

It's James Brown cover time again - the bridge is excellent, the rest less so

Outa Space *

Wretched (probably unintentionally) rocked-up take of Billy Preston's clavinet jam

 

 KEITH ROBERTS

The man behind Rediffusion's Birds 'n' Brass. Also did library stuff

Override *** 

 

 ROKOTTO

UK disco/soul/funk band. More black members than white, but most of their material was written and produced by Wayne Bickerton and Tony Waddington of Rubettes fame

Are You Ready ***

Brick House **

Workmanlike (at best) attempt at another Commodores funker

Funk Theory ***

Get On Down **

Rather let down by a lame bassline

Moonlight Dancing ***

Interesting if not-quite-there combination of start-stop drumming and squelchy synth bass

Shack Up **

Another pretty poor effort at covering a funk classic - slightly better than A Certain Ratio's though

 

 THE ROLLING STONES

"The world's greatest rock 'n' roll band". Black music (including reggae!) influences a lot of their work, but funk rarely features in their canon

Fingerprint File ****

Never mind Get Yer Ya-Ya's Out, it's a case of "get yer wah-wah's out" as old Rubber Lips & Co. head into blaxploitation territory. This almost wouldn't sound amiss on a mid-70's Ohio Players album

Dance ***

Not only is this more disco than their disco song "Miss You", it's also quite funky as well, featuring a horn section and heaps of conga action

 

 ROLLOX

Apparently this act is in some way connected with Richard O'Brien and the Rocky Horror Show (!)

The Funky Sailor *

Not in the slightest bit funky - should be made to walk the plank

You Know What Amin ***

B-side of the above 45. This is more like it - would have got another star, had it stuck to the original groove rather than veering off into a weak middle 8.  Dreadful pun is a reference to the 70's Ugandan dictator

 

 ROXY MUSIC

Garish glamsters turned lounge lizards

She Sells **

Complex and arty yet thrusting rocker features a couple of pseudo funk interludes

The Space Between ***

As slick as funk can get - by this time they had replaced their meat-and-potatoes drummer with Lalo Schifrin's more subtle sticksman, and also drafted in Kokomo's guitarist and bassist

 

RUFUS

Mixed black and white funk-rock aggregation

Walk The Rock Way ****

Funk the disco way

Dancin' Mood *

Too messy, too busy

Red Hot Poker **

Main riff is pretty good, but has a habit off veering off into Bob James smooth jazz style interludes

One You Get Started ***

Rufusized ***

Until I saw this pun, I didn't realise that the term "supersized" had been around in the States at least since the early 70's (it's only just come into common usage in the UK, where we're now well on the way to becoming just as obese as the average American)

 

 SADE

Darling of the cheese fondue set who mistook her vapid cod-jazz-lite for something stylish and sophisticated

Cherry Pie **

Only gets a second star because of the wah wah lick in the intro. Prior to her solo career, Sade and her backing band were a funk outfit - hope their stuff was better than this

 

 SAFFIRE

Sound like a funkier version of Silver Convention

Lay Your Boogy Down **

Rhythmically it's just about OK, but hard to pin down the key which makes it rather annoying

 

 KENNY SALMON

Session keyboardist and another library music exponent

Flying Squad **

Quite a scuzzy main riff, but has an alarming tendency to lapse into "Test card" music

 

 SANTANA

Latin-rock pioneers. Usually a mix of black, white, and Latino

One With The Sun ***

Mellow groover that gets briskly funky in the Hammond solo

Let Me ***

Fast and frantic but definitely funky with lashings of clavinet

Reach Up ****

Carlos cranks out his wah wah to duel with crazy Moog solo over rock-solid groove

Tell Me Are You Tired **

Parts of this are probably the funkiest Carlos & co have ever got - the electric piano solo reminds me of Patrice Rushen, which is no bad thing. Unfortunately these bits are surrounded by dreary ballad verses and slightly cheesy disco choruses

 

 BOZ SCAGGS

Bluesy blue-eyed soul type

Lowdown *****

See Record Reviews Volume 4

 

 LALO SCHIFRIN

Soundtrack supremo

Quiet Village ****

Brooding slow-building funky version of the Exotica favourite

Baia **

Messy and laboured cover of the Brazilian standard, which is probably why Lalo junked it (it only saw the light of day years later as a bonus track on a CD reissue) and released a disco version instead

 

 SCORCHED EARTH

Early 70's soul-like outfit produced by Ben Findon (who masterminded Billy Ocean's early hits, and also had the dubious honour of being behind that revisionistic disco "classic" by the Nolans "I'm In The Mood For Dancing")

Super Woman, Super Lover **

Might just have gained another star if not for the over-stretched "soul" vocal

 

 TOM SCOTT

Top session sax/flute/lyricon player - turned out a string of jazz-fusion grooves throughout the 70's, most of them too sophisticated to be mentioned here

Starsky and Hutch *****

The first recording used on the cop show - to the best of my knowledge never released commercially (why not? there was some great incidental music in the series too that also justifies a CD release). Bizarrely edited though - presumably to tie in with the clip where David Soul (Hutch) leaps off a wall onto the top of a car?

Gotcha **

Flat, plodding LP version of the above

Bless My Soul ***

Dirty Old Man **

Nunya ****

 

 SEA LEVEL

Offshoot of southern rockers the Allman Brothers, with a taste for fusion noodling

Fifty Four ****

Crossover disco-funk

 

 DOC SEVERINSEN

Jazz/easy trumpeter - a household name in the USA due to his long-running stint as the MD on the "Tonight" show

I Wanna Be With You ****

Doc's own take on "Pick Up The Pieces" (did AWB chase him up for plagiarism?) spiced with a hint of Maynard Ferguson and Bob James. I still like it though

 

 SHAKATAK

Britain's answer to Bob James, but with cooing female vocals. Almost a byword for naff-jazz-lite

Easier Said Than Done **

Perhaps the ultimate in cocktail funk - pretty cheesy but just about listenable

Toot The Shoot ***

Squelchy synth bass and vocoder vocals (courtesy of the man who became Andrew Lloyd Webber's producer) - is this Britain's answer to Zapp?

 

 LABI SIFFRE

African émigré singer acoustic-strumming singer-songwriter. Shadows sticksman Brian Bennett was among white sessioneers giving support when required

Gimme Some More ***

Rocking Chair ***

The Vulture *****

 

 SIMPLY RED

Mancunian soulboy Mick Hucknall and crew

Turn It Up ****

I don't care what anyone else thinks, this is superb cocktail funk - shame about the overtly political cant

 

 SKETCH

UK indie jazzers with so-so female vocals

Look What You've Done To Me **

Sounds like a low-budget version of what Donald Fagen has been inclined to crank out in recent times, and continuing the Dan connection, it also has a sub-Larry Carlton guitar break. If they just stuck to the main groove it would be acceptable, but they spoil it with some nasty rocky interludes (a job for the old sound editor...)

 

 WOJCIECH SKOWRODSKI

Another funky Pole

Do Tych Dni Kolorowych ***

Has a sniff of "Superstition" about it

 

 TUNNIE SMITH

See Record Reviews Volume 10

Do That To Me *****

 

 THE SMITHS

If only Morrissey had called it a day when they folded, instead of spending the next two decades regurgitating his one-dimensional shtick with ever-diminishing returns. Apparently other members were involved in a pre-Smiths funk project, but to my knowledge no recordings have ever surfaced

Barbarism Begins At Home **

Marred (ho ho) by horrible 80's production. They did a much better live version of this on the Tube

 

 SNOWBOY

British percussionist usually specialises in latin sounds

The New Avengers **

Frantic version of the TV theme, with wince-inducing out-of-tune trumpet solo

 

 ZDZISBAWA SOLNICK

Try as they might, the Commies certainly couldn't make Poland a funk-free zone

Zyj Sobie Sa ***

Great clavinet-led verses. not so good "I'm Not Your Stepping Stone"-style choruses

 

 THE SOUND STYLISTICS

Contemporary "all-star" crew put together for a library label recording, also released commercially

Play Deep Funk ***

This is actually a rating for their album based on soundclips I listened to on Amazon. It doesn't sound worth splashing out for as it's just as much acid-jazz as funk, although with James "JTQ" Taylor in their ranks that's no surprise. It also suffers from the "modern" sound - I remember back in the 80's The La's mainman Lee Mavers was considered rather eccentric by the rock press for having an obsession with recording on 60's equipment, complete with "60's dust". I concurred with the hacks at the time, but nowadays recordings like the above have led me to believe that Lee wasn't such a loony after all. Whilst on the subject of of contemporary recordings, there don't actually appear to be any black funk bands out there today, which is rather sad...

 

 SPANDAU BALLET

New Romantic lynchpins. Always talked a better fight than they delivered

Chant No. 1 ***

I loved this when it came out - not so sure now. As usual, the frontman's foghorn vocal is a bit off-putting, but the rap really is excruciating

 

 STEELY DAN

By the mid-70's the Dan had mutated from your average west-coast band of long-haired white dudes into a studio-based collective, with the core of Fagan & Becker hiring the cream of both black and white session players for their ever more ambitious works

Green Earrings ****

Josie ***

The Fez ***

They said this was their "disco" track - I'd call it cocktail funk (and I mean that in a positive way)

 

 STOCK AITKEN & WATERMAN

According to Don McLean (in his song "American Pie"), the day the music died was when Buddy Holly's plane crashed. He was wrong - pop music began dying a slow and painful death from the late 80's onwards, once this lot got a stranglehold on the industry

Roadblock **

Despite making a killing (in more ways than one) in the biz, they were still irked that they had no credibility in certain circles (I'd like to say from music lovers in general, but specifically the UK soul scene, of which Pete Waterman had once been part of), so decided to put this single out masquerading as some anonymous hitherto-undiscovered "rare groove" classic from the 70's, in order to make some kind of point. Apparently it fooled some at the time (the rare groove scene is probably second only to Northern Soul in terms of musical snobbery), but in hindsight one can easily pick out the tell-tale signs that it was produced in the 80's

 

 HARRY STONEHAM

Session/easy organist

I Feel Good ****

Another James Brown cover, and one of the best (if you don't mind it on the cheesy side)

Hold On I'm Comin' ***

Funkier than Sam & Dave

 

 STRETCH

A.k.a. "The Bogus Fleetwood Mac" - I think they were years ahead of their time: the first "Tribute" act

Why Did You Do it? ****

 

 DONNA SUMMER

She started out as a singer on the German session scene before being spotted by Georgio Moroder

Love To Love You Baby ***

Yes, the horny disco anthem, except it's more funk than disco

 

 THE SURPRISE SISTERS

Rock/soul crossover chicks

Watch Out **

You can imagine this being featured in that 70's music-biz melodrama "Rock Follies"

 

 SWEET

UK glamsters - perhaps the most obvious (and unfortunate) targets of the scornful epithet "truckdrivers in drag"

Funk It Up ***

See Record Reviews Volume 10

 

 SWEET SENSATION

Black Mancunian vocal quartet a la The Drifters, Stylistics et al. They apparently had a mainly black backing band, but I suspect that white sessioneers were employed on their recordings. Producers Tony Hatch and David Parton were certainly honkies.

Mr Cool *****

Written by the aforementioned David Parton - see Record Reviews Volume 1 for more details. By the way, this features the "laughing bag" novelty item that was briefly popular in the mid-70's (it was a plastic device inside a drawstring cloth bag - when you pressed a secret button it would emit a cackle that sounded like an evil version of the "Laughing Policeman"). Like everyone else, I had one at the time, but of course chucked it away not long after (as you did back in those days). Wonder if there are still any around, and what they're worth now?

 

 TALKING HEADS

Arty New-Wavers. Much has been made of their explorations into black music, but in my opinion they reference Mother Africa far more than her African-American offspring

The Great Curve **

A bit like the Heads' head honcho David Byrne - nervous and twitchy

 

 ALAN TEW

Among other things was musical director for Anita Harris

Pink Panther ***

See Record Reviews Volume One

The Prowler ***

Sounds like a funky cop show theme

 

 TOM TOM CLUB

Talking Heads rhythm section with family and friends

Genius Of Love ***

Bouncy yet laid-back vibe includes namechecking some funk heroes

 

 GARY TOMS EMPIRE

Mixed black and white US (?) aggregation - operated at the blaxploitation/Norman Whitfield end of funk

7-6-5-4-3-2-1 Blow Your Whistle ****

This was a hit in the day, but the LP version has a great extended instrumental jam. Another composition from Roger "I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing" Cook

Slow & Funky ***

Do Your Thing ***

This Crazy World ***

Feel That Funky Groove ***

 

 TONES ON TAIL

Splinter group of goth-punk rockers Bauhous

There's Only One *

Goth-funk? Not a good combination

 

 THE TOP OF THE POPPERS

Like the "Chart Hits" crew, their raison d'etre compelled them to copy funk tunes on a shoestring whenever they odd one entered the higher echelons of the charts - they were probably grateful it didn't happen that often

Superstition *

The guitarist is trying (and failing quite badly at times) so hard to emulate the clavinet riff, he's oblivious to the rhythm underneath this dreadful rehash of the Stevie Wonder hit

 

 TOWER OF POWER

From Oakland, California, still going after nearly 40 years. Whatever the line-up, there's a mix of black white and Latino musicians in there. Their clipped sound is sometimes a little too intricate for its own good

Drop It In The Slot ****

Ebony Jam ****

Funk The Dumb Stuff ***

Loses a star due to 80's-style overly bright snare sound

Give Me The Proof ****

If I Play My Cards Right **

Love Bug ****

Maybe It'll Rub Off ****

On The Serious Side **

Only So Much Oil In The Ground ****

So I Got To Groove *****

Soul Vaccination ****

Stroke '75 ***

Vuela Por Noche **

This is TOP at their most frustrating: an out-an-out funk instrumental that's way too fast, bitty and jerky to groove to

Walking Up Hip Street ****

We Came To Play *****

What Is Hip **

Possibly their best known tune, this doesn't really do it for me

You're The Most *****

 

 (JOHN) TROPEA

US jazz-fusion guitarist - best known for the solo in Deodato's "2001"

The Funk You See Is The Funk You Do *****

As the chant on this track says: Funk that mutha!

 

 TWO MEN, A DRUM MACHINE AND A TRUMPET

Fine Young Cannibals spin-off

Make It Funky *

Make it piss-poor 80's dance music - the only thing this has in common with James Brown is the title

 

 JACK TROMBEY

Dutch library music contributor and composer of the "Van Der Valk" theme - thankfully not all his stuff was so toe-curling

Feeling Heavy ***

 

 ULTRAFUNK

UK sessioneers formed their own funk group to do mainly instrumental covers of well-known stuff plus the odd original. Their album "Meat Heat" now fetches silly money

Sting Your Jaws ***

I've only heard a minute of this, but enough to tell me that although the guitar work is good, the bass playing isn't, and there's way too much disco-style open hi-hat going on

Sweet F.A. ****

Kung Fu Man ***

Attempt to cash-in on the popularity of David Carradine as Kwai Chang Caine - Mr Superbad's rap rather detracts from the groove

 

 UPP

UK jazz rockers - originally featured Jeff Beck

Down In The Dirt **

Another performance I recently caught on the Beeb's "Guitar Heroes" prog (presumably originally aired on OGWT?). Starts off promisingly with the band cooking up a decent groove under a moog solo, then all too soon it goes awry as Jeff gets all widdly-widdly and the rest lose the vibe as it dissolves into fusion hell

 

 MICHAL URBANIAK

Polish-born US-based fusion fiddle-scraper

New York Polka ****

Urbaniak mixes his contrasting cultural backgrounds with surprising success

Lyricon **

The funky bit is in the middle of a suite and doesn't last long. Perhaps just as well as it gets a bit self-indulgent

 

 MARCOS VALLE

Brazilian singer and songwriter

Mentira ***

 

 VANILLA ICE

Much-derided anaemic rapper

Play That Funky Music *

Other than the occasional slowed-down chorus sample, this bears no similarity with the sublime original (see below) whatsoever - to be avoided at all costs

 

 THE VAST MAJORITY

Another SGA-linked cheapskate disco cash-in project

Muddy Sneakers ***

Salsa Woman ***

In my original review I said they sounded a mess (and they do), but these two cuts just about pass muster as OK funk workouts as long as you don't listen too hard to the somewhat ropey playing

 

 STEVIE RAY VAUGHN

Texan blues guitarist

Superstition **

Again, only heard a snippet of this, but sounds too busy and forced - it might have been recorded by a Stevie, but it's no wonder (ho ho)

 

 GIL VENTURA

Italian (ch)easy saxophonist

Foot Stompin' Music **

Just-about passable cover of Hamilton Bohannon's tribal funk workout

 

 THE VENTURES

60's instrumental beat group. Got a bit funky from the late 60's

Licking Stick **

Early venture (ho ho) into funk territory with a so-so James Brown cover

Baretta's Theme *****

Stanking version of Grusin's cop show theme

Gotta Be Stronger ***

Another dirty groove, unfortunately unnecessarily sweetened by girly vocals

The Stroke **

Disco-funk workout with more girly vocal, the bulk of it is pretty good but the choruses are really cheesy (if you chop them out with a sound editor then another star can be added)

The Streets of San Francisco **

Another cop theme given the treatment - starts out OK (even if the solo guitar is a bit Clappo-like), then veers off into a section that I'm sure was never in the original that ruins everything funkwise

Theme From SWAT ***

Superstition ***

Passable take of Stevie Wonder's funkiest moment. The clavinet and wah wah work hard to take attention away from the plodding bass line

 

 VIBRAPHONIC

Acid Jazz regular Roger Beaujolais and chums

Funkly ***

This isn't too bad as far as cocktail-funk goes, but the vibes don't sound like real vibes

 

 V.I.P. CONNECTION

Another guess at white guys being funky

West Coast Drive *****

 

 VICTOR VOGEL

Canadian composer

March Of The Athletes ***

Commissioned for the 1976 Montreal Olympics, it's another stab at funky marching music, again not too badly done

 

 JOHN WAGNER COALITION

Studio aggregation put together for an album of James Brown covers

Cold Sweat *****

Coldblooded ***

Mother Popcorn ****

Only denied the complete set by the vocal chant

My Thang ***

Out of Sight **

Sex Machine ***

Superbad Superslick **

 

 BRIAN WADE

Yet another in the long list of library music practitioners

Dance Centre **

The guitar and synths are quite good on this - unfortunately they're backed by slap bass and drum (machine?) with massive snare sound (it was the 80's)

 

 JOHNNY WAKELIN

Comedy/novelty artist who cashed-in on the popularity of Mohammed Ali

Doctor Frankenstein's Disco Party **

Like a disco version of Bobby "Boris" Pickett's "Monster Mash". If you ignore the dreadful joke lyrics the verses are quite funky. Sadly it hits disco cheese central for the choruses

 

 EDDIE WARNER

European library music man

Crazy Fiddles **

Funky yee-haa

Devil's Anvil **

Busy bass is too much in your face, and no-one clicks with the drummer

 

 WEATHER REPORT

Seminal jazz-rock group featuring Austrian émigré and keyboards wizard Joe Zawinul

Cucumber Slumber ***

Shows that you don't necessarily need a guitar to get funky

 

 WENDY & LISA

Prince's sapphic sidekicks

Everyday ***

Perhaps no coincidence this sounds like his purpleness

 

 WHAM!

George Michael and his air-guitar playing chum. Started with faux-funk before moving onto mock-motown

Wham Rap **

Club Tropicana ***

Although its success and consequent connotation killed-off any credibility it may have had, I still think it's half-decent cocktail funk - and better than any of the rubbish George has put out solo

 

 WILD CHERRY

70's US rockers turned funkateers (as their signature song explains)

Play That Funky Music *****

The archetypal track for white boys playing funk - highly muscular but still grooves mightily

I Feel Sanctified ***

Yet another Commodores cover, done in a "Play That Funky Music" style - same horn lines!

The Lady Wants Your Money ***

The best of the rest of a debut album that is practically "Play That Funky Music" plus a load of second-rate retreads

Are You Boogieing Around On Your Daddy ****

A last hurrah from the boys as they get a bit harder and faster on what is a now fast-fading formula...

 

 CHRIS WILLIAMS

DJ who moved to Australia via Vietnam (!)

The Funky Get Down ***

Kool And The Gang-style party funk that would be excellent were it not for the shockingly bad bass player - sounds like he's using a pick (a cardinal sin in my book)

 

 ANDRZEJ ZAUCH

Another Pole-funker

Use Me ***

Well, that's what I call it anyway - it's either a cover or a rip-off of the Bill Withers tune. Impressive backing let down by shouty vocals

 

 PAOLO ZAVALLONE

Italian bandleader/library dude

Papillon Rouge *****

A fitting finale for this feature

THE "WHITE MEN CAN'T FUNK" DISCO IS AVAILABLE FOR SESSIONS IN THE GREATER MANCHESTER AREA - EMAIL ME FOR DETAILS...

Author's note: Just in case you're wondering, all relevant cover versions of "Theme From Shaft" have deliberately been excluded from this feature (for the same reason as "2001" i.e. they may be funky but they're not really funk) - maybe one day I'll get around to my own examination of that particular track and its many interpretations...

DISCLAIMER: for those outraged or up-in-arns over my critique, please remember that all comments and ratings in this feature are a PERSONAL OPINION that you are free to agree or disagree with. After all, as a sage once said: opinions are like noses (or if you want a crude version, arseholes)... everybody's got one!

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